The fortress

It was pointed out to me I idolise my boys. I do, as does Jane. As age claims more and more of me, I cannot fathom those parents that don't absolutely pour their hearts and soul into their offspring. I cannot understand how any parent could just up and leave never to look back. In general, my age has allowed me to calm down and consider things a bit more than I used to. But not this. The father of a friend of mine just up and left the family and country when he was about 12 never to return. I can understand calculus from first principles but not this. As disturbing as it is, I can fully understand the dads that lose the plot after falling victim to a family law court order or just simply after a relationship breakdown and suffering the loss of that family fortress that I find so incredibly powerful and treasure above all else. To have a family that sits at the dinner table together and laughs at the worst joke or discusses who had the best day is just about the most rewarding thing there is. As you sit there, the feeling of mile high walls of love to keep out the nasties in life is a nice feeling. The fortress around our family is impermeable. Piercing the walls unimaginable. The boys don't know the fortress is there I don't think. That's our job to make it as seamless as possible. They feel secure but aren't conscious its because of the intense love and respect Jane and I have for each other. In fact, the little one will screw up his face and turn away at the sight of me holding Jane tight in my arms and quite frankly kissing her inappropriately in front of a 10 year old. Now that I think of it, Jane tends to screw up her face at that too but I don't care. Its keeping the fortress strong. My ability to express my love for Jane is limited to a 46 year old office working, numbers driven, man's brain. I have not much imagination (but am working on it). I could copy paste some great stuff off the net now I suspect and MediaWatch would be my only threat of exposure. I won't though. I've spent 30 years with Jane. We met at high school in March of 1983 I kissed her at a party at my place June 13th of that year. Although we had the odd short 'break' (well I broke off our engagement and we didn't see each other for 6 months but that's another blog post) have been together ever since. That's a long time. Sometimes it feels a very long time and other times not so. At no time does it ever feel wrong. Our longevity is a crucial part of the fortress. I'm sure outsiders see it as a big deal but to me, its just the way it is, the way it should be for me. I simply cannot imagine living without her. There are some lovely cliche's like "we finish each other's sentences" (well actually Jane prompts me to finish my sentences is more accurate) but that's how the fortress works. Its built of solid stuff, not flowery and unsubstantial tripe. Its built of time, love, understanding, kids, houses, cars, jobs, food, fights, and the dog. I love my Jane, for being my wife, for being the boys mother, for being employed, for being my lover, for her beauty (her hair will grow long again one day I'm sure) and mostly for loving me and helping me keep the fortress strong. I can do better though, I know that. If ever I think I can't be better at it, I'm must be doing it wrong.