Dad is pretty much a single man now. mum is still alive but there is nothing of her left sad to say. Just the shell and even that is failing. Dad spent about 18 months living by himself in his home after mum had to go away then we moved him into his own little one bedroom unit in an aged home complex where he could look after himself but have some help close at hand should it become necessary. The nearest child was 1000km away so it was important if he fell or whatever that he had the magic button on his pendant to page for assistance. All very good in theory. He met a woman (reportedly older) at church and they struck up a friendship which was lovely. Dad was a solitary man after mum was gone so we all embraced the idea of this new companion that lived nearby. On the odd telephone call dad would report how he and Leonie had talked about this or watched that. It was all going to be fine. The kids were relaxed in their thoughts that dad was safe and well and had everything he needed. Maybe we were lax or maybe we were lazy but at no time did I ever think we had an issue. That changed in March this year.
Dad was making noises about wanting to move to Port Macquarie with Leonie. He had been referring to her as his carer for some time now and it had been accepted as a casual arrangement by us kids. The talk of moving to Port was of concern though as his assets and level of care required meant moving back out to an un-monitored home rang alarm bells in our minds. My sister and I arranged to see dad and talk with Leonie face to face to determine what the story was. It was heart breaking to sit and hear Leonie say to us and dad that he had the wrong end of the stick and that there was no room in her plans for him. I saw a flicker in his eye of real pain and I felt it for him. he was an old man with a new lease on life given his wife of 50 years was institutionalized only 200 meters away. I understood and did not judge. How can you? he is still alive and needs companionship. I asked dad if he thought he had got it wrong or if Leonie had changed her story and he was firm in the latter. I believed him and so the seeds were sown for a long and carefully thought out mistrust of this sweet little old lady. All the gut instinct regarding her manner and the way she trailed off her stories in an inaudible whisper started to magnify. Her contradictions of her own statements was no longer put down to an 'aged' brain fart but more serious. I did not like her at all. We left however knowing Dad had heard from the horses mouth Port was not to be. We had broached the subject of Dad moving up to Queensland with us and he agreed it was a good thing to look forward to. Leaving mum behind would be hard but he had had enough of those empty eyes staring back at him on visits and the constant reminder of his own mortality. We set to find Dad suitable care close to us and all was going to be fine.
My sister as the holder of enduring power of attorney for Dad had access to his accounts. As dad was still in charge of his own life there really hadn't been any need to look at the accounts. I suggested maybe she should just take a look to make sure. Sure enough, dad had withdrawn a few thousand dollars and when asked by Bron, said it was to help Leonie move to Port. That was fair enough we thought, she had been of help to dad and dad was free to give whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted. It did however fill in another piece of the puzzle for us and raise the urgency to get dad to Brisbane as she was obviously moving soon herself.
The phone rang and it was Bronwyn. "I feel sick" she said in between teary weeps. Bron had received a call from dad's super fund to let her know as the appointed representative of dad, that a Leonie had called them to ask about the beneficiaries to dads account. I can't put words to the feelings that come when you hear that but your mind races from one impossible scenario to the next, all of them not ending well. The need to extract dad was now paramount. Within a day of 2 we had tickets and were flying down to get dad. My little sister had helped secure a bed in a high care unit in Toowoomba and we were on a plane to go get dad and all was going to be fine. We arrived the Thursday night and went straight to Dad's place. He was happy and well and Leonie was there too. I've never wanted to throw a little old lady in a creek before but this was a definite possibility. We talked with Dad about how exciting it was to be coming home with us and he agreed, reservedly but he agreed. We were booked on a 5pm flight Friday back to Brisbane. All was going to be fine. Bron and I stayed at a friends place that night, enjoyed a lovely thai dinner and a few bottles of good red. The stress of the past few months was slowly being resolved and tomorrow was the final step.
9.30 am we rolled up to Dad's place, knowing he was probably at his usual Friday morning cafe visit with some of the men in the place. We packed his bags, got a few trinkets for him too. Emptied his fridge, emptied his bin and waited for him to come home.
At 11.30am, we were really not sure where he was now. Bron rang Leonie's number to check if she knew where he was. I remember the blood draining from her face and her pleading words "but you can't do that". I took the phone and heard Leonie say "he's with me now, go home". Bron was not coping overly well with that news and I was quite gobsmacked really. We drove around to her unit, about 500 meters away. Bron stayed in the car whilst I walked up the stairs to the second floor unit. She opened the door but stood behind a security mesh screen and simply repeated her claim he was with her now and informed us she had called the police. I was polite. I was calm. Every ounce of me wanted to kick in the door and scare the shit out of her but I was calm, "all was going to be fine" I said. I called into the unit to Dad to come to the door so I could speak to him. I could only surmise he was sitting somewhere behind the door out of sight but could hear me. She turned towards where he was sitting and with an outstretched finger yelled "YOU SIT!". I've never heard anyone talk to my dad like that before and it would not happen again. She shut the door.
Bron called the police and although I could only hear her side, it seemed to be taking forever to get the message across. Finally she got agreement but only after talking to the officer (Jim, a really nice guy btw) that had responded to her call that morning. He only agreed to come after finding out the stories Leonie told him about them living together for 2 years were utter bullshit. She had said he got himself there that morning and was going to stay. The police arrived and I had the distinct impression this was a done matter in their mind and that we would be going home dadless. Jim's attitude changed markedly during the next 30 minutes. A key point when I asked Leonie why she had rung dads super and her response "I didn't and they didn't tell me anything anyways" Jim's eyebrow raised up at that point. The police have such limited powers with citizens so he could not actually force dad from the unit back to our care. The 2 police and me stood in her unit in front of dad and asked him what he wanted to do. He was a shattered and confused old man, pitiful in his lack of understanding of what was going on around him. When Jim asked him about what they had discussed that morning, all dad could do was point at me and say"what that one has been up to". I'm not usually easily hurt but this stabbed me hard. Those were her words I know but he was being a willing puppet. Jim realised Dad was just not in full control of his faculties at that time as his answers were all just plain wrong. We had all the letters from his doctors saying dad needed care, had his official assessment stating his eligibility for high care and the proof of attorney for Bron but this was not enough to force dad into our care. Jim now had a full understanding of the picture and his voice towards her changed as he realised he'd been lied to that morning and essentially used as a set up for us. The only thing Jim could think of was that as dad was unable to navigate stairs on his own easily, the 2nd story was unsafe in the case of a fire. Dad used a walking frame and so thought it was best to be back on ground level at his place. I can't thank Jim enough for his handling of that situation. I laugh to myself now when I think of Jim asking Leonie how dad got himself up the stairs that morning unaided and her telling him it was so. Me carrying dad and Jim carrying his walking frame seemed to have missed her attention at that point. "Sure he did" said Jim in the most sarcastic tone ever summonsed.
We got dad out and away but not after me having to tell Dad that he had 2 choices. Go with us voluntarily or we have a court mental health order made forcing the point.
I think we always prided ourselves on letting Dad do his own thing and just making sure he was safe when doing so. This new method was heart wrenching and totally distasteful but it had to be done if all was going to be fine.
We found out later that she had changed his address to hers with some companies, ordered a new bed suite on his credit card (cancelled and fully refunded) and was of 'concern' to other residents in the complex.
If you have an aged father and he mentions the name Leonie, don't assume everything is going to be fine.
