At some point in the past few years, someone or something or some god or some alien or mother nature or father time or maybe it was even me, flicked a switch. I have no idea when it happened but it did. I am a different person to the one I once knew. I used to be the same as I always was and had always been.
Now I'm different. I don't know if anyone other than me knows I'm not the same. Is this what the victims of body snatchers felt? I'm not as smart, not as quick, not as strong, not as funny, not as lovable, not as anything as I used to be. I think I'm shorter now too but that could just be because my frame of reference has changed with my 15 year old now able to tell me if I have lint on top of my head. Its all switched!
Life before was the same every day. To change things took either a lot of energy or a major incident. The J curve of Justin was a pretty smooth one. Now its an ECG of a heart attack victim during a 9.0 earthquake. Life now is pretty much dependent upon the breeze and my ability to mediate myself has gone totally.
Is it age? I have no idea. I see my own parents very quickly descending into the final phase of life but they are way way older than I. I don't recall Dad losing it with me in his 40's. If I'm like this now, what will I be like when I'm 80? I can see the headline now of the 2043 Courier Mail, " Old man goes at someone with a pick axe because they just didn't do it the way he wanted".
My patience is shot to hell, my tolerance not far behind that. Its all very well to know you are being irrational but to stop yourself mid irration is tricky. Its real for you, you are justified and in that moment, nothing can sway you from your mission.
I hope who/whatever flicked the switch can flick it back because the old me was a much better catch. When I was what I was I was OK. I'm not sure that's the case anymore.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Thursday, 17 October 2013
It's the small things
I was walking down Charlotte St towards my rivercat when a young couple turned the corner coming towards me. The dad was pushing a twin stroller with sleeping twin boys oblivious to their journey. I found myself smiling at the boys and forgetting what a shit day I had just endured. I realised this straight away and was thankful they had saved my family from a cranky dad homecoming. It made me think about what other small or seemingly insignificant things have an immediate affect on me.
Babies is just one. Holding them or just seeing them is soothing for me and I am perpetually poking my wife in the ribs as we walk along to highlight a nearby cute baby. I don't do that for the ugly ones though. I do have taste. If I know a parent well enough I'll ask to smell their baby's head. There is nothing like it and I have no idea why. I'm not the only one that is a head sniffer so I suspect there is something innately human about it.
Music will ease my mind as well. Listening but more so playing. Once upon a time my sax would emerge from its case in time to prevent me from imploding but this has slowly been replaced with my music. I have superb quality earphones (thanks to Jane's generosity) for both the commute and the kitchen (doesn't everyone have activity specific earphones?) . I can pick up my trusty iphone with never enough music on it and find a tune that will take me to a happy place near instantly and allow my brain time to fizzle to a dull roar.
Food will often be a place to retreat to. I'm not talking 3 michelin star meals, this is about the small things after all. But have you ever had a golden rough or mint pattie straight from the fridge? There are never enough shops that keep them in the fridge but when they do, its a little piece of heaven.
Animals, much like babies I suppose, draw my attention and calm me. I'm a dog person from way back and they tend to react favorably to me when I pat them.
I suspect the best position to be in would be to not need the little things but I do. Maybe one day I shan't but until that day I will smell, eat, hear, pat and look my way into bliss!
Babies is just one. Holding them or just seeing them is soothing for me and I am perpetually poking my wife in the ribs as we walk along to highlight a nearby cute baby. I don't do that for the ugly ones though. I do have taste. If I know a parent well enough I'll ask to smell their baby's head. There is nothing like it and I have no idea why. I'm not the only one that is a head sniffer so I suspect there is something innately human about it.
Music will ease my mind as well. Listening but more so playing. Once upon a time my sax would emerge from its case in time to prevent me from imploding but this has slowly been replaced with my music. I have superb quality earphones (thanks to Jane's generosity) for both the commute and the kitchen (doesn't everyone have activity specific earphones?) . I can pick up my trusty iphone with never enough music on it and find a tune that will take me to a happy place near instantly and allow my brain time to fizzle to a dull roar.
Food will often be a place to retreat to. I'm not talking 3 michelin star meals, this is about the small things after all. But have you ever had a golden rough or mint pattie straight from the fridge? There are never enough shops that keep them in the fridge but when they do, its a little piece of heaven.
Animals, much like babies I suppose, draw my attention and calm me. I'm a dog person from way back and they tend to react favorably to me when I pat them.
I suspect the best position to be in would be to not need the little things but I do. Maybe one day I shan't but until that day I will smell, eat, hear, pat and look my way into bliss!
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