Just for me

I took steps today to recover a long lost love. A friend had slipped away through no fault of their own but from my inaction to keep them. My love is for me to maintain not them. Why did I think it was OK to sit back and just wait for them to make the move because I wished it so? It's me that needs them,  not necessarily the other way around. I care so much that seeming to be needy and pathetic is irrelevant as long as I can still have the friendship. People look at me and see a big and imposing man, an outgoing and loud alpha male unhindered by self control or giving a fuck about what others think of him. Its strange in contrast  to admit I am helpless to do without them. I will have that friendship again and not let it slip again. Its too painful.