was I ever?

I spend a large amount of time shaking my head in frustration at the actions of those in my house way younger than I. It seems there's a perpetual stream of WTF! Part of me knows I was more than likely like that myself at that age but really was I ever? I had my last day of high school on November 30th 1984 and began my first full time employment with BHP on the 10th December that same year. Yes, I had 9 days off after school. If memory serves me correctly I did nothing of consequence. Schoolies was just a new thing back then reserved for the rich kids. Who on earth could afford to go to surfers for a week? I, like most of my friends did not have to concern myself with what I was "going to do". My future, at least for the short term, was mapped out. I was in control of my destiny! or was I ever?
 As I get older I have no idea if I'm getting more or less patient with the world. My 15 year old jokes about my 'flexibility'. He seems to think I'm set in my ways. Truth be told, I love to see new and better things happening. The operative word is BETTER. New music is fine if it's BETTER than say, Pink Floyd. I've not found any that is. Mind you, as I type this, Spotify (yes I'm that flexible) is playing Husky "Splinters in the Fire" and I'm enjoying it immensely. I can hear a guitar playing! an actual musical instrument that creates noise through vibration of some mechanical means. This year's Triple J hottest 100 was on the wrong day and named a crap track as number 1. I'm not for one minute saying I'm the biggest Triple J listener nor that I'm overly familiar with today's ground breaking music scene, but in the past I have at least liked their number 1. I'm shaking my head at them. I'm shaking my head because they turned their back on our day too. If another day is BETTER then I'm all in. Better for who though? All of us or some of us? or maybe most of us? that's an argument for another post though. Back to the thread please author!! Well I'm thinking maybe I always thought I was in control but it's a function of age that enables me to realise I know nothing, am in control of nothing and am simply a source of amusement for those that witness me seemingly being in control. Does that make sense? Ironically as a youngster I was informed I had a high degree of self objectivity but they were wrong!! way wrong!! Its only now I'm suspecting I'm a dick. I'm a dick for being frustrated, I'm a dick for for being inflexible, I'm a dick for not realising I've always been a dick, or was I ever?

Current status

I have just started a new short term job and as I now sit in front of a monitor all day everyday rather than a steering wheel all day every night, I thought i'd check out my blogger account. It seems very few have read anything in months. I did however see that a draft existed titled "Current Status". It was empty. Apparently I was moved to update you last time but no idea on what to say. So this time I shall. My status at the moment can best be described as 'pending'. My job is pending, my business is pending, my weight is pending, the repair of my front fence is pending (that's the subject of another post very soon). Who needs certainty when you have pending? Dad died. It was pending, then became a certainty. Back on Dec 16th the lovely man took in his last breath. It had been expected for a few days but alas, my last ditch effort to get there was not to be. I did however manage to incur a speeding fine but under the circumstances, I could never appeal as I'd feel I was using dad's death to save myself $183. Watching him die on those last few days was a new experience for me. When mum died a few years back, it was my big sister that did all the heavy lifting. I was absent by design. I was taken aback by the fear that showed in his face. His communication was not spoken anymore but just his face that told his story. He was scared. We all assured him that he was safe and he could go but could do little else but prompt the nurses to wack in another dose of whatever that painkiller was. Getting old and infirm and dying is not a glamorous thing to do. Its emotional, doubt filling, regret raising and scary. We all would like to think the last days are no different from now but that the last day hits with a bang and your out, gone. That's not how it happens people. For the lucky one yes, the rest of us no. Just wait, you'll see for yourself.
We had a simple service with the family and some of my little sister's work mates. It was great to see. It was my first eulogy. Its weird but I knew exactly what dad wanted. I didn't have to think about it nor worry about if it was entertaining or witty or heartfelt. Whatever came off my hand as I wrote was right and I was right. It felt right. It sounded right. I had a good grasp of his current status and my own if only for that day.