Current status

I have just started a new short term job and as I now sit in front of a monitor all day everyday rather than a steering wheel all day every night, I thought i'd check out my blogger account. It seems very few have read anything in months. I did however see that a draft existed titled "Current Status". It was empty. Apparently I was moved to update you last time but no idea on what to say. So this time I shall. My status at the moment can best be described as 'pending'. My job is pending, my business is pending, my weight is pending, the repair of my front fence is pending (that's the subject of another post very soon). Who needs certainty when you have pending? Dad died. It was pending, then became a certainty. Back on Dec 16th the lovely man took in his last breath. It had been expected for a few days but alas, my last ditch effort to get there was not to be. I did however manage to incur a speeding fine but under the circumstances, I could never appeal as I'd feel I was using dad's death to save myself $183. Watching him die on those last few days was a new experience for me. When mum died a few years back, it was my big sister that did all the heavy lifting. I was absent by design. I was taken aback by the fear that showed in his face. His communication was not spoken anymore but just his face that told his story. He was scared. We all assured him that he was safe and he could go but could do little else but prompt the nurses to wack in another dose of whatever that painkiller was. Getting old and infirm and dying is not a glamorous thing to do. Its emotional, doubt filling, regret raising and scary. We all would like to think the last days are no different from now but that the last day hits with a bang and your out, gone. That's not how it happens people. For the lucky one yes, the rest of us no. Just wait, you'll see for yourself.
We had a simple service with the family and some of my little sister's work mates. It was great to see. It was my first eulogy. Its weird but I knew exactly what dad wanted. I didn't have to think about it nor worry about if it was entertaining or witty or heartfelt. Whatever came off my hand as I wrote was right and I was right. It felt right. It sounded right. I had a good grasp of his current status and my own if only for that day.