Being Uncool

I came to the conclusion many years ago that I was somewhat uncool by the standards of most. That's OK though because it has meant others have benefited. There are a dozen or so people about 5 to 8 years younger than me that may remember having the time of their life at my expense.
When about 14 years old, I was at the Lilac Time Festival with a group of friends. The Lilac Time was the spring fair in the country town of Goulburn where I grew up. They would close off a street, roll in the amusement rides and vendors carts and behold, 1000 kids on a sugar rush with tomato sauce on their shirt fronts. Back in those days, to cart your kids off to an amusement park unaccompanied was pretty much the norm. We had limited funds of course and so was quite picky in what we rode. The spinning swings was a favourite because there was always the chance a chain would break. The ultimate was the Hurricane. A massive set of 4 arms that swung the pods we were sitting in up and around and down and back up again and the hiss of escaping air and whine of the hydraulic motors added to the thrill. This was for sure, a great time to be 14 and free.
There was of course rides for the younger ones, small paddle boat things and slow arse merry-go-rounds. There was also this extremely lame circle of flower pods that kids sat in as it rotated like the arms of a clock about 5 meters in the air. It was placed at the end of the main alley of the fair and looked up towards the Hurricane at the other end.
We were standing just near the lame flower clock ride getting our bearings for the trek up the way to THE HURRICANE (I get excited just writing about it now still) when I felt a hand on my arm. "Could you please just ride this so the balance is right for the other kids?" The ride attendant woman looking up at me with a pleading face. With what can only be described as the biggest mind snap in the universe, I said yes. There were about 5 or 6 arms to this thing and 3 on one side were full with beaming little kids about 6 to 8. There remained the other side kids free. The woman sat me in the middle empty pod. When I say sat, I mean folded me into. At 14 I was about 6 foot tall already. This thing was not meant for someone of my dimension so with my knees firmly against my ears, it started to spin, slowly. I was framed by empty pods either side and my friends standing with their mouths agape at the horror befalling me, laughed so hard I think one of them actually let a little wee out. The clock arms rotated around and I thought this would end soon but no, it kept going. I noticed people up the alley way turn to notice the fuckwit in the kids ride. I wanted to scream at them I was doing them a favour and only there to balance the ride. My screams were all internal though. The few thousand people that stood and pointed at me that day (it seemed like that to me) all were of the opinion I had paid for and was receiving my ride of choice. If I told you I am impossible to embarrass today, you can believe me, as I think its because every ounce of my life's embarrassment was compressed in to that one moment. Sure the other kids had a great 'balanced' ride but I have never received a letter thanks from them, ever. So if you are one of those kids and you want to make an uncool person feel a little cool, let me know.