cranky

Am I a cranky fuck?
Years and years ago whilst employed by BHP, I did a 5 day full time management assessment exercise whereby me and 4 others were put through the wringer for 5 solid days with all manner of examinations, role play, multiple choice and interviews with psychologists and flash cards and then at the end, a report produced to tell BHP what sort of future management they had available to them. I did really well. That one report became the main focus of my CV for as long as I could justify it as being still relevant. I do recall my highest individual score was for "self objectivity". The ability to know and identify those areas where I would excel and those areas I would not. Basically, have I got any idea what I am on about and I did.
I suspect that power has left me though.
I'm not going to relate any massively funny or insightful tale that illustrates this but only to some minor pointers. My boys said to me, after I politely informed a uniformed parking official at the airport that I would not be moving on, "Dad, you can be really scary to people sometimes". I had not done anything to warrant that but both boys were in agreement and went on to explain a few other instances whereby I did a similar thing. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be the cranky old man that snarls whilst in his head he is simply stating a fact.
I admit I have triggers but they are not a surprise to anyone. The word "whatever!" should be banned from the english language. One word that dismisses someone as so out of hand and at the same time slide a literary knife through their ribs is in my mind the height of rudeness. I simply won't say it but I know my thoughts on this are over the top as no one else seems to share this. My family know though and they have been known to use the information to their advantage on the odd occasion when they want to unsettle Dad.
My other trigger is just plain being ignored. If I have said, asked, informed, cited, enquired, vented or expressed an interest in someone, when that person doesn't acknowledge me, I may have an inclination to get cranky. Is it me being the proverbial control freak? probably. Does that knowledge help me temper my crankiness? not really. When you use the word cranky, it has a longevity or continuity to it. Its not an isolated word I don't think. You are either cranky or not. Not sometimes cranky. So when I admit to being sometimes cranky, am I kidding myself that I'm not like that always? I don't think so, I laugh a lot, make far too many inappropriate jokes and my usual defence to anyone is with humour. But where does this cranky thing come from? Is being a 46 year old white western male that much a hard deal that I can't just let some things slide? I should do and I will be trying to from now on. This blog is supposed to be my self determined therapy so if I get cranky with you, feel free to call me on it but just don't be the airport parking guy, I'm allowed to have one victim aren't I?